Chapter 3: Mutual Attraction

In this phase you have an established friendship but you suspect there is a mutual attraction. This person just stands out from the crowd and you feel drawn to them. This phase continues to involve group gatherings, which will allow you to see how he/she gets on with other people You could ask questions about: background, interests, vision, likes, and dislikes. This will give you an overall more informed impression of who he/she is.

Your Questions

Question 1

How can I gauge if the “attraction” is mutual?

Answer 1

When you’re in a group, you naturally find yourselves talking to each other, discovering common interests, shared likes and dislikes. Also, your interaction on social media is mutual, i.e. they take the time to reply to you, and generally speaking is not a one-word answer.

Question 2

Can I be attracted to more than one person?

Answer 2

Yes, it’s possible to be attracted to more than one person. But I assume that the point is to find the person you’re most attracted to. In most cases, we can identify who that is when we have that overwhelming desire to be with him/her, and the attraction is mutual. Mutual attraction is when you spark on several levels such as; physical appearance, personality traits, common interests, shared goals or vision, etc. Sparking on several levels is what makes someone stand out from the crowd, but mutual attraction is the green light that takes us to the next phase.

Question 3

What if a significant person in my life, for example a Connect Group leader tells me that either I or the other person is not ready for a relationship right now?

Answer 3

This is not your Connect Group leaders decision to make. But, the most common reason a Connect Group leader might suggest you wait, is that either you or the other person is a new believer. I think you would agree, that it’s good for you and your new friend to fall in love with Jesus first. Faith provides a strong foundation for all our relationships. However, at the end of the day, we’re all free to make our own decisions.

Question 4

Who should I pursue?

Answer 4

A good starting place would be someone you share a mutual attraction and some common values with.

The Bible has some good advice for us:

This is not a command, but common sense advice on entering any kind of partnership. Why does God care about our partnerships? Because He knows that a good partnership can be a great
source of strength and empowerment. Whether we are considering going into a business partnership or a marriage partnership, it’s wise to not just take people at their word, but observe their lives. A person’s lifestyle speaks louder than words. What are your potential partner’s actions saying to you?

To find out more on this topic you can also read:


What can you apply to relationships from these scriptures?

What You Shouldn’t Do in This Phase

1. Don’t rush this phase. Take your time! Get to know him/her better.

2. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Check that the content of the book is as good as the cover.

3. Don’t move on to the next phase until you’re confident you know this person well; his or her vision, goals, interests, and attitudes. Knowing some of the “book’s” content will help you make a decision.

4. Keep your time on social media, phone etc. preferably short (pre-set a time limit).

5. Don’t expect commitment.

6. Don’t expect a marriage proposal.

7. Don’t buy expensive gifts!

8. Don’t touch!, beyond that which is acceptable among friends in your context.

Tips for Special Friends

1. Enjoy the friendship!

2. Take an interest in each others’ lives and encourage each other.

3. Attend events that he/she is attending.

4. Take an interest in what they are interested in.

5. Be good friends with his/her friends.

6. Look for connections in different areas of life: vision, interests, goals, etc.

7. If you would like to go to the next phase, but you’re not sure the attraction is mutual, ask people that you trust to help find out (possibly include your Connect Group leader). However, Connect Group leaders are not matchmakers. Their help or advice is just that – advice! Remember to look for advice from people who have a good track record with relationships themselves and are free from personal bias.