Many young people today find themselves in a jungle of anything goes, contradictions and confusion about what love is and how they should get it. To add to the confusion, there are some very public figures who call themselves Christian, yet promote lifestyles that completely contradict God’s word. As people committed to doing God’s word, we need to know God’s word well enough to see through the glitz, pretty images, Jesus tattoos and the sales pitch designed to sell us stuff. We need to live by God’s word if we want to build strong relationships that will stand the test of time.


My husband and I have the great privilege of pastoring Lifehouse, a church full of great, mostly young single Japanese men and women, with a spattering of internationals. As a result, this book has been written with Japanese culture in mind. Over the years the question comes up again and again – “Now that I’m a Christian, how do I start a relationship with the opposite sex?”


So, to help broadly answer this question, we have compiled some easy to follow steps, complete with Do’s and Don’ts, questions and answers and helpful tips.


There are 6 steps; the first is ‘Friendship’ the last is ‘Marriage’ and a bunch of steps in between. These steps are NOT commandments but they are a guide to help clarify the mystery that is courtship as a Christian today.


As much as possible, we have based these steps on biblical principles and our own observations during our 29 years of marriage, and as many years of pastoring. During this time, we have seen and heard it all. We have seen the triumphs and the failures and have had rare insight into why relationships succeed or fail. Through it all we have come to one conclusion – God’s word is the best wisdom for building successful relationships today. Those who ignore or wander far from God’s wisdom are playing with relationship fire.


Now, many young people find that they are brilliant when it comes to group friendships and communication on social media, and all things cyber, but when it comes to one-on-one communication and relationship building, well … that’s another story. So let’s kick back, and go on a journey of discovery and learning. Dare to dream of becoming a confident one-on-one communicator. Dare to dream of a great and fulfilling marriage. Dare to dream of becoming the most irresistible you, you can be. With God’s help you can do it.